FRIENDS vs ASSOCIATES

While  scrolling through Instagram I came across a thought-provoking post from @yourfriendtrin that asked the question: 

"I no longer want friends who..." 

Her response, "friends who do not like me," resonated with me. 

It inspired me to consider whether "friends" and "associates" are being grouped into the same category, and how this impacts our ability to network effectively.

In today’s social economy, the terms "friend" and "associate" are often used interchangeably, despite representing two distinct types of relationships. A friend is someone with whom we share a mutual bond, characterized by affection and mutual liking. This type of friendship is defined by a genuine connection and shared interests or values.

In contrast, an associate is typically a partner or colleague in a business or work setting. This type of relationship does not require the presence of mutual bonds or affection; it is primarily based on professional interactions and collaborations.

The interchanging of these relational categories can present a response to this question similar to Trinity Mitchell’s response of wanting friends who like us. The need to feel liked is a fundamental human desire. We were created to be fruitful and multiply, but it is our responsibility to gain a deeper understanding of the character qualities of a friend and how they differ from those of an associate. 

Let’s get unglued and explore the reality of friends becoming associates and associates becoming friends

PATHWAYS TO FRIENDSHIPS

We've all heard the saying, “Don't mix family and business.” The truth behind this saying is often realized when we experience the outcomes of such situations.

Becoming friends with someone involves a different approach than simply being an associate. Building a friendly relationship requires a desire to discover common interests and shared values. As we transition into adulthood, these types of connections become easier to navigate because we have developed a secure foundation in these familiar spaces. This familiarity encourages us to pursue relationships that promote growth in these ideas instead of challenging them.

When we connect on a level of mutually shared interests and values, we cultivate a sense of comfort within the relationship. This comfort allows for a deep sense of empathy, compassion, and vulnerability, which cannot be achieved with someone who only exists on a superficial level.

The essence of true friendship involves a grace that stems from a mutual understanding of expectations and a high level of honesty. This journey requires both parties to recognize that the role of a friend is continually evolving and needs ongoing maintenance. Additionally, there must be a willingness to accept the evolution of the relationship without judgment.

From a biblical perspective, a true friend will lay down their life and carry the burdens of their friend. I know… these expectations sound more like a marital contract than a friendship, but the reality is that the belief that we will have more than a handful of friends throughout our lives is often a fantasy.

Now you can understand why our friend cannot become an associate. Based on my assessment, the risk of losing a valued friendship due to a failed business deal, poor accounting practices, or the mismanagement of assets is way too high.

INTERSECTING ASSOCIATES 

Transitioning from an associate to a friend is more like an intersection than a dirt road that needs to be paved. The foundation of this transition is established by the standards set forth in the project, business agreement, or collaborative initiatives. This starting point allows us to conduct an unbiased assessment of each other's character. We are no longer influenced solely by our emotional connections to our personal interests or values. A clear line is drawn, enabling the friendship to naturally evolve into something deeper through shared experiences.

These experiences give us valuable insights into what each person is interested in and what they value, without needing extensive conversations. According to a Forbes article, written by Kelly Main over 60% of adults have experienced a workplace romance, but only 43% of those relationships ended in marriage. While the ultimate goal shouldn't be to marry every coworker we connect with, there is something noteworthy about how quickly these relationships can develop.

What's different? It's the level of expectation. Subconsciously, we tend to have lower expectations of an associate compared to those we have for a friend. This may be partly because, throughout scripture, we are often warned about the importance of choosing our associates wisely. As a result, there is a sense that we can only truly connect with certain individuals, even though we should strive to be a friend to everyone—it's a bit confusing, I know.

However, these scriptures are meant to advise us not to treat every associate as a friend and to recognize how easily an associate can transition into the role of a friend. This often happens because we intersect over shared interests and values. They can also help us understand how to behave in ways that allow our character to be recognized as that of a true friend.

By evaluating the character traits of the people we associate with, as well as reflecting on our own qualities as friends, we can start to build a network that supports our growth. This can be achieved by providing and accepting the right balance of encouragement, constructive feedback, and aspirational challenges.

THE BONDING MOMENT 

Here’s the thing: to understand what we no longer want, we need to evaluate our actions and decide where we are willing to start. Entering any relationship with the expectation that it will fulfill all our needs—including the desire to be liked—is unrealistic. If we want our friendships to develop naturally, we should consider beginning in spaces that aren’t solely focused on our common interest. Instead, we should start by connecting over mutual foundational values and interests, which can evolve into a bond anchored in a deep respect for each other's individual values and interests outside of the relational intersections.